Is it growing up or changing into someone else?

I want things to change, change from what they have been for a long time now...I somehow don't feel that what I am now, is the real me. Where is the me that used to be so carefree, who used to laugh and run around doing things that she always wanted??...Need to find that me again....You might say grow up! But is it ok if I don't want to? Is it ok, if I still want to enjoy life and not be burdened by the so called things that are so expected of me?....I am not trying to run away from responsibility, but I hate the routine that comes with it...Once you start doing it, it is like you are stuck forever...Is that how it should be?.....I'm not talking of studies here, I know, the mere thought of getting away from it all might make many students happy. But that is not what I am talking about...This talk is about life that comes after one is married........

My mind is in constant turmoil, wondering if what I want is the right thing....They say we change with time, but do we really? Our appearances change, our expectations and needs may change with time, but do we change who we really are?....Need to rediscover that child in me again...Feel so lost, afraid and so unsure sometimes.....I guess, I am still a child at heart just look old and am expected to think and behave like a grown up....Need to match the outside with the inside....You might say it is all in the mind....But what do I do when my head and heart are in constant conflict....My heart refuses to accept the harsh logic of the head....Head rebukes the heart for not growing up....Who do I follow!!...I sometimes feel I need divine intervention, but then I hear from good friends and I find all I need to do is change the way I do things...Sounds easy, but is it really??