बेक़रार ...

धड़कन थम जाती है, नाम तेरा जो आता है,
दिल बेकरार हो जाता है,  ख़याल तेरा जब आता है,
होंठ  तरसते हैं  छूने को, दीदार तेरा जब होता है
तरसते है सकूं को सपनो में भी, तू जो हर दम चला जाता है....

आता नहीं समझ अब,  जायें तो कहाँ जायें ?
जिधर ना तू ना ही तेरी यादें हमे सताएं .....

इंतज़ार...

इंतज़ार में तेरे दीदार के, सदियाँ गुजर गयीं,
हंसी की इक झलक को, ये अखियाँ तरस गयीं,
कोशिश  की बहुत, बीते चंद घड़ियाँ तुझे याद किये बिना,
हर लम्हा तू याद आया, तेरी याद में दिल रोया और आंखें आंसू बहा कर रह गयीं....

तू आयेगा या नहीं, कुछ भी तो गुमान नहीं हमे ,
इंतज़ार करते रहे, ये अब नागवारा है हमे,
दिल तो रोयेगा, तुझ से दूर जाने में,
जी लेंगे मगर, चंद झूठी यादों के सहारे...

हमको मालूम है, दिल की हर तमन्ना सच नहीं होती,
भूल जाना चाहते हैं तुझे, बस अब तो यही दुआ है उस रब से...

Dream or Obsession??....

Have you ever wanted something so bad, that it hurts?? A burning desire to get hold of some thing, the mere thought of which makes your heart beat faster, your soul crave and that consumes you every waking moment of the day...a desire, a longing SO intense, that you wish to God that it to be fulfilled; for living without the source of your desire seems like an impossible task....Whether the thing is good for you or not, is irrelevant, for your desire supersedes everything else!!......

Whatever the cause of such emotion be, it is so easy to give in!! for emotions are  powerful things.....It is like temptations like these, were made to test one's self-control and the limit to which one'd go to obtain them...

Why does the heart always crave things that are not under our control?! Like all things material, the love of a certain person, glory or even acceptance by others....Is it life's way of taunting us and saying that, the things we already possess aren't good enough?!! Or is it its way of telling us, that we need to work harder and strive towards what we find better and more desirable??....

Call it desire, need, greed, dissatisfaction, temptation or an obsession, it IS a part of our lives and how we deal with it is, what is most important....And hence comes the need to be able to distinguish, and to find out, if the desire of that thing (tangible or not), is making us a better person or is it consuming us??....

Obsession in essence I have come to realize is a bad thing, for it is a strong desire for things, that'll eventually cause one to take some kind of a wrong action....An action, which in all likelihood will be repented at a later stage in life..... Such unfulfilled desires often cause discontentment, anger and frustrations and hence need to be cast away.... I know! It is not easy to get rid of them,  but they need to be done away with somehow!!....I wish I could tell how, wish to know myself how to have better control over such an emotion.....For an obsession is a state of mind, where the mind is constantly dominated by a wish, a dream....a state, where the person subjected to the obsession, surrenders control and constantly lives in its shadow and doesn't even realize, that his obsession is an illness, which is tiring him and is slowly making him wither away...

A dream on the other hand, is something positive, it inspires you, it gives you space to grow...It gives you a choice to pursue it or not....It is something that you know you might be able to attain someday, if you made all the right moves and worked hard to attain it ....It makes you a better person and it leads you on.....Those who are passionate about attaining their dreams, do everything in their power to get close to them...Their enthusiasm and positive attitude make the desire turn into a reality, for their passion feeds them and they feed on their passion...

I dream of making the impossible, possible, and I WANT to live and realize my dream in my own lifetime. And I want to keep holding onto the thought that my dreams WILL come true one day.....I desperately hope and fervently pray everyday that they come true, but in case some of them die a premature death, which I hope to God, they don't, I hope I'd be able to hold onto the thought which the Dalai Lama has aired, and which I often find myself pondering on - "not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.".....

चाहत...

हम तो हम ही थे, कल  भी और आज भी,
तुम्ही ने देखने का नज़रिया बदल दिया,
चाहा तो तब भी था उतना ही,
तुम्ही ने कल ख़ुशी से कबूला और आज नाकबूल कर दिया....

प्यार आज भी है इतना, की कहो तो जान लुटा दें,
फिर सोचा, प्यार दिखलाने का मौका हम अब तुम पे छोड़ दें,
देखें तो सही,  क्या-क्या कर पाओगे तुम हमारे लिए,
हम तो जान दे सकते हैं; तुम इन होंठों को हंसी लोटा पाओं, बस उतना ही काफी है हमारे लिए ....... 

जुस्तजू

कुछ सपनो ने उड़ कर, दिल में आशना सजा  लिया,
नन्हे  से इस दिल में, इक अपना ज़हान बसा लिया,
छोटे-बड़े ख्वाब  हर पल अब दस्तक देते हैं,
अन्दर आने को सदा बेताब रहते हैं...

इस खूबसूरत दुनिया में खो जाऊँ, अब तो यही आरज़ू है ,
हंसी के कुछ  पल लूट कर फिर से जी पाऊँ , दिल की ये जुस्तजू है.....

प्यार और इंतज़ार......

इंतज़ार ने मेरे प्यार के, मुझे दीवाना बना दिया,
इम्तिहान जिंदगी का, इक फ़साना बना दिया,
मुश्किल बड़ा था यार बिना, चंद लम्हे भी गुजारना,
उनकी यादो के सहारे, हमने ये भी मंजूर कर लिया,
अब तो उनकी यादें, हर दम साथ रहती हैं,
और मिलन के चंद हसीं लम्हों को, सदियों सा बना देती हैं......

ऐतबार...

उनके प्यार का इज़हार सुन,
ऐतबार करने को जी मचलता है.
धड़कने तो बेताब है मानने को,
दिमाग मगर कुछ काशमकश में रहता है..
अब तो दिलोदिमाग की यह जंग ख़तम हो जल्द से,
या तो मिले प्यार और वफा उनकी, या यह ज़िन्दगी फना हो जाये उनपे...... 

ये कैसा रिश्ता....

कभी उनके इकरार ने, तो कभी उनके इनकार ने रुलाया,
रिश्ता यूँ तो कोई न था, फिर क्यों उनकी हर बात ने हमे सताया ?
समझते थे जिसे हम न कोई अपना, पहले उनकी बेरुखी ने
फिर उनकी यादों ने हमे दिन-रात तडपाया .....

मिलन

ख्याल उनके, मेरी दिन-रातों को महकाते हैं,
सोच के उनकी कही बातें, हम मन ही मन मुस्काते हैं
किस्सा यह चाहत का अजीब सा है
मिलन यह जिस्मों का नहीं, दिलों के नसीब का है,
अब हम उनके ख्यालों में हर दम,
और वो हमारे ख्यालों में आते हैं 

सपनो की दुनिया में ही सही, मिल तो पाते हैं .....

Dreaming my life away??.....

I have often heard that we must dream big....I too have dreamed big on occasions, like most, but have either chosen to, or forced myself to come out of the dreamscape, when I realized how fruitless the whole exercise was...I guess, dreamers are people, who believe that their full potential has not yet been exploited by the world, or the ones, who have worked 'hard', but feel that they haven't been appreciated enough...These people are dreaming with open eyes, 'cause they 'want' to believe that there is still hope for them...They 'want' to conquer the world in 'their' own reality, and hope, that when they open their eyes, the dream will take a life of its own and shall continue to live on....

I know, it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, but a man needs to dream none-the-less!!...For dreams are a man's way of defeating the reality, it is something that keeps him sane, when the winds of fortune are not blowing in his favor....The transition from dreaming with eyes open, to a state of dreaming in sleep, is God's way of showing that 'nothing' is impossible in this world...For dreams are the landscape where 'reality' meets 'fantasy', but where fantasies prevail...
 

My dreams take me to places unknown, to places SO beautiful that they make me smile even while I sleep :)...I find myself surrounded by faces familiar, and some unknown, and often wonder on waking up, how they all landed there to begin with!!...And sometimes the CRAZIEST combinations of people, places  and situations form my dreams, and I wake up smiling foolishly, sometimes oddly puzzled and at times full of wonderment at what all my brain could conjure up.....

 

Brain, where the dream world exists, I believe is one place, where 'anything' and 'everything' can happen...The only place in the world, where all our dreams come alive, the only place where we can 'make' our own dreams and live them too :)...The last frontier that remains to be understood and if possible conquered ....A question now....Will there be a time, and place, a medium, where what we dream, the instant we dream it, comes true??...Is such a dream scape a possibility or stuff that fiction writers only dream of??...Is there a world out there, that is solely made of the things that 'we' dream of?? After all what is created must exist somewhere, right?.....A world that is totally of our own making, filled only with people, places and things we love...Things inconceivable, yet plausible; beautiful, yet never ever seen before; so fragile and intriguing, that they can exist nowhere else, except in a dreamscape :)....

My dreams have taken me from the top of the world and to the edge of a tranquil sea innumerable times.......Come to think of it I have even dreamed of a tsunami, with me running away from it holding the hand of someone I held dear....I've been inside weird homes, which supposedly form my abode in that landscape...My dreams have made me re-live my school-time-exam-day terror, where I go to sit for the exam totally unprepared!!...I have even dreamt of a room full of lizards, that were clinging to all surfaces and crawling where ever I walked,  and I remember having woken up covered with sweat just thinking about it...I have met and talked to people long dead, and woken up wondering why and what it all could mean?!....I have visited places that I am not even aware exist in the real world!!...Oh, my dreams have taken me places where I COULD NOT possibly ever be!!...

 

I don't know what my dreams mean, or how they might be interpreted by experts of the field, all I know is that they feel sooo real...Dreams somehow make my life complete...And I know that I have no wish to stop dreaming, be it with eyes wide open or with those shut...And I pity those, who don't dream at all, for they know not what all they are missing out on.....I believe, that it does one good to sometimes 'just dream' and 'not just worry about achieving the dreams'. As long as one has the desire to achieve it, one has everything to gain and nothing to lose....So dream on!! :)....

इंतज़ार .....

घडी की सुइयां, प्यार की दुश्मन लगती हैं,
इंतज़ार सदियों सा, दीदार पल भर का बना देती हैं,
ये कायिनात रुक जाये, जब प्यार का दीदार हो,
अब तो रह- रह कर, दिल की धड़कन यही दुआ किया करती है.....

दर्द का एहसास ....

चोट यूं तो खायी है हमने कई बार,
दर्द के अहसास ने रुलाया भी हमे हर बार,
भूल कर दर्द हर बार उठ जाते थे,
प्यार की मरहम से ठीक हो ही जाते थे I

अब दिल को चोट लगती है,
दर्द होता है, आंसू भी आते है,
प्यार तो मिलता है,  मगर दर्द का ये आलम है,
आ तो गया, मगर जाने का नाम ही नहीं लेता .........

Life an Illusion??.....

Do you ever get the feeling, that you are sometimes living an illusion?!!...When things are going great and all of a sudden something happens, that shakes you up, and you start wondering, if it was all a dream to begin with...Was the past an illusion, and the thing, that stirred you up, the real thing?....Or is it, that the present is just a bad dream, and the past was THE REALITY!!.....The past felt great, SO REAL and yet the myth is dispelled by just a few events, sometimes by even a few random words, which you wish to God never happened :(...Why is our faith in things and people so easily shattered?....Why can't we sometimes just ignore, what could just be an honest mistake on someone else's part?.....Why does disillusionment cause so much anger and pain? Does the truth about things and people have to be harsh and painful always? or is the fool's way of seeing the world with a blindfold to be blamed for all his problems?.......

I believe that life is a matter of choices we make...Would LOVE to be the master of my own choices, but are the choices we make in life, as simple to make, as they are thought to be?!!.... Circumstances, the people in our life, one's nature, upbringing and the need of the hour decide what really is going to be the choice a person makes...We can certainly make our own destiny based on our choices, but it is definitely dependent on a hoard of other things.....

Choice, I have heard, is the illusion between those in power and those without....And that makes perfect sense to me..For I feel powerless to make a choice based just on my like and love of things...Does that make me a weakling ? Or does it show that I need to be headstrong about things and pursue what my heart desires.....And what of bad choices we make all the time? Is it okay to make a bad choice just to keep an illusion - for one's peace of mind, a little pleasure and happiness of  another; or is it a crime to live life according to what others expect of you?......Talking of expectations of others, why do they do that? I mean, it is our life and we need to make the most of this gift, then why can't others just let us be!! And let us live a life not of constant conflict, but of peace and quiet....I know, I am living in a fool's paradise, wishing things were perfect, simple and joyful.....But I know everyone would be happier if they just lived and let live, then where does all the complication come from??...Is it from possessiveness? expectations? and the need to be in power?...or is it just the way all things were meant to work in this universe; each and everyone fighting the other to survive :(....

Wish life was simple, quiet, joyful......Wish there was no struggle....I know some might find it boring and unchallenging, but I would call it blissful...Is expectation of  that kind of a life an illusion or a definite possibility??!!.....

खोज....

लोग धुप-छाव के जैसे ज़िन्दगी में आते-जाते हैं,
कुछ दिल को कुरेदते, कुछ मुस्कान दे जाते हैं,
दिलों को रोंदने वालों से डर लगता है,
जो शख्स प्यार की छाप छोड़ जायें मन उसको तलाश्ता है I

क्या ज़िन्दगी इसी खोज में कट जाएगी?
यह तलाश कभी क्या खतम हो पायेगी?
मिलेगा क्या कोई, इस दिल को समझने वाला?
प्यार की बातोँ से दिल को सहलाने वाला I

जो कडकती धुप को छाँव कर दे,
रात को दिन, और दिन को रात कर दे,
ऐसे शख्स को नज़रें खोजती रहती हैं
दिल को सकूं मिले , हर दम इसी कोशिश में लगी रहती हैं
रह-रह कर दिल से आह की आवाज सुनाई देती है
यह आह पहूंचे उस दिल तक अब तो यही कोशिश रहती है ....

ख्वाब और नींद ....

रात के अँधेरे में ख्वाब करवट बदलते हैं,
दिल में छिप्पी सब हसरतों को दस्तक देतें हैं,
कभी गुदगुदाते, कभी दिल को मचलते हैं ,
कभी डराते, तो कभी हँसाते हैं
नींद की इस दुनिया में हर ख्वाब सच हो जाते हैं ....

आंखें

कहते हैं आंखें दिल का आइना होती हैं,
दिल की गहराई में छुपी हसरतें,
हर शख्स का रूप दिखा सकती हैं,
आंखों को बंद कर ले गर कोई,
क्या ढूंढ पायेगा उन्हें ?
वो जो दिल की गहराईओं में रोती-सिसकती डूबती जा रहीं हैं....

ख्वाब

ख्वाब हवा के झोंकों पर बैठ कर आते हैं ,
फिर पानी के बुल्बुल्ले जैसे टूट जाते हैं,
खुशनसीब है वो जो इन्हें हकीकत में बदल देते है,
होंसले और जिद के दम पर
तकदीर अपनी बना लेते हैं I
हमने तो खवाबों को समेटना छोड़ दिया है
टूट न जाये इस डर से आँखों को बंद करना छोड़ दिया है
टूटे ख्वाबों का बोझ अब उठाया नहीं जाता
हर ख्वाब हकीकत नहीं होगा, बार-बार दिल को समझाया नहीं जाता I

आँसू

आंसुओं से कहो गिरना बंद कर दें ,
कदर ना हो जिस शख्स को, उनसे पर्दा कर लें ,
ऐसे बेमोल मोतियों को, यूँ ही ज़ाया नहीं करते,
इतनी पाक चीज़ को यूँ ही पराया नहीं करते I

एतबार

दिल को संभाला है हम ने हर दम,
इतना तो एतबार है खुद पे, की अश्क आने न देंगे हम,
बरसना ही गर उन की तकदीर है, तो बरसेंगे उधर ,

मोती के कदरदान रहते हो जिधर I
मोती की कीमत तो वो जान जायेंगे,
बरसने से पहले ही, होंठों पे हंसीं लायेंगे I

यादें

याद उनको इस कदर हर लम्हा किया करते थे ,
कब उनकी यादें घर कर गयीं, यह तो मालूम न था ,
पा लेना था नामुमकिन, यह सोच दिल से निकाला कई बार,
मगर तन्हाई ने दगा दिया और दिल में उन्हें छुपा लिया फिर इक बार I

Hope keeps me going :)...

Hope, I heard is the most quintessential of all human emotions....Something which grows stronger when times are hard...Something which keeps us going, when everything else takes a leave....Something that is very much our own...A thing, that we can create and destroy.....gift and be gifted and give and take away as easily.....

I have yet to meet a person that has not ever hoped for any thing nice....The rich and the poor both hope for things to be better than they are, whether they put in as much effort to earn the object of their desire is another story altogether.....People wanting a taste of success hope and pray for them to be answered; the sick and dying hope to be cured; parents hope for their kids to live a long, healthy life full of happiness; and lovers, hope for their love to be everlasting and by their side for ever...Some even hope for world peace and for poverty to be eliminated!! Everyone on this earth has something to hope for!!....

I have always noticed how 'hope' and 'pray' are almost always said in the same breath...It is like we need to hope and pray for things to work out.....'Hope' it seems is an extension of prayer, hang on to one and grab the next rung to reach closer to the source of desire, but be careful of hoping too much, too soon and too desperately, for they will lead you farther away from your goals...'too much' of either of these will lead closer to 'desperation' and and its next rung 'fear of failure'...Hope, I have learned goes better with not just prayer but also effort....Everything done in moderation somehow seems to have a greater impact then hoping for things to somehow magically go right.....

What I hope for is simple and yet so much complicated....It encompasses everything the heart could ever desire.....I hope for a love faithful; a happiness that lasts; good health without too much effort; loyalty of the ones I love, to a degree that I myself gift; trust, that is never betrayed; joys unparalleled; a laughter, that never ends; peace of heart and mind and to be ALWAYS surrounded by the ones that I love ......Nothing material here, but everything that is so essential to our very being..... All I'm really hoping for is everything that is good, for a life that is so precious......Is that too much to ask??.....

Is this love?....

Someone once asked me, if I loved my husband? Seemed like an odd thing to ask and frankly not anyone's business to know, and I was truly taken aback for a few milli-seconds, but then I smiled, nodded and said with great conviction, "Ofcourse, I do"!!...At that time, I had no clue at all what love meant...And I'm not sure if I still do!!...Oh!! I do read a lot of books, which talk of love and those going through it all, but I have to say, I don't get 'the you-take-my-breath-away' feeling, every time he walks into the room...and I don't smile shyly and lose my mind, every time he looks at me...I would be lying, if I said, he sweeps me off the floor, every time he smiles at me or talks about me!...I just know, that I like his company and I LOVE hearing him talk :)....I know, that there is a look in his eyes, that speaks to me like no one else can.....A smile, that is meant solely for me, a smile that says, I'm always there for you....And there is that special look which says all that I ever need to know :)....I like saying the words 'I Love You'...and no matter how many times I have said those, I still enjoy saying them again and again, and hope as much, that they'd be said to me too!!....I so wish, men were as good at reciprocating this feeling as us women!!.....

I see some women declaring their love for the men in their life, and their better halves or boyfriends saying the same in return, and often wonder if they 'truly' mean it or is it just a word game for them??...Do they really mean the things they say or is it a show put up for others to see??....There are so many couples who never declare their love for each other, not in the privacy of their room and esp. not out in the public, does that mean that they don't love and care for each other?....Is a public show of affection, for the ones truly in love or ones who want to make a show of affection, to prove a point to others watching on the sidelines? I guess I'll never know!!...All I know is that couples need to show the ones they love, that they DO love, and they DO care...If it a hard thing to say, then find ways to show it, ways SHE'D understand; do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to make her feel special!!...You owe that to her and to each other!!

All I do know is that I like the company of the one chosen for me...He has the ability to make me laugh and he can make me smile, no matter what :)....He knows me inside-out, and makes it a point to make life as comfortable for me as is possible...And I know, that his presence is a welcome sight for me...I get jealous at the mere mention of another women...I know what pleases him, and I can make him laugh at times...Ofcourse, we have our fights like any other couples, as also our share of disagreements, but isn't that something which happens amongst the best of friends?.....I truly am filled with dread at the very thought of losing him, and pray really hard that, that day never ever comes. And then I pray, that I never have to live a day without him; for I would love to die than have to live through another day without him....I don't know if this speaks of my insecurity, my lack of self-confidence or if it is mere selfishness on my part, but I know, that this is how I do feel....And this is what I wish for him - a long, healthy life, full of happiness, love, laughter and a heart full of love for me, and me alone...I wish for HIS happiness and want mine with him. I want to see and enjoy the world with HIM...I know not if all this is love, but I hope it is, for I would hate to have lied to that someone when she asked me "if I loved him ".....

I Pray.....

Living in a place where people religiously pray 5 times a day often makes me wonder about my way of going about it....Prayers, I have heard are our direct contact with God....I see them praying 5 times a day, and I often wonder if they are in better touch with God than the rest of the world...After all, they pray more frequently and so devotedly too, there 'must' be 'something' to it or they wouldn't be doing it with all their hearts and souls, right!!.....I see the Christians doing the same thing too, and so do the people of many other religions around the world...Is praying in groups, doing it a certain way and doing it a certain number of times a day then to be considered a better approach of being heard by the Almighty, or is it just a way of involving the less enthusiastic and less-learned about the need for it all??.....

But what of those, who are for reasons varied, are not able to reach these places of worship, and those that choose to pray in the comfort of their own homes?...Is their prayer heard by the Lord Almighty? or are their prayers going to be in vain?....Is there a special way that needs to be followed to please the Gods, or is a simple, heartfelt prayer good enough for the Great One??....I for one, choose to believe that a good, heartfelt thanks for the gifts bestowed should be good enough, but I could be so wrong too...I pray among other things for his blessings and I thank him too, but my thanks are as heartfelt, as my demands of him....and I would love to think that my shortcomings are in no way deterring the Lord from hearing me out....

Aren't the idols and places of worship all man-made and all the procedures of doing prayers handed down by word of mouth through generations and eons??....Would it then be wise to blindly follow the words printed and half-understood and sometimes not understood at all, to the words simple but good intentioned!!......I know, idols are man's way of stopping the mind from wandering, it encourages focus, and focused thoughts lead to a higher understanding of things....It might lead to an enlightened stage, which so few are able to accomplish during their life time....I firmly believe in the existence of an invisible good force that guides us all our lives...I believe, that it is this force, that prevents us doing wrong...It guides the way when we are troubled, and keeps a watchful eye over us, when we need it most...Call it conscience, call it God or call it the invisible force.....It is there, and we have all felt it sometime or the other in our lives......I do believe in its existence, but I DO NOT believe in chants, or religious ceremonies which defy logic...I do not believe in doing prayers half-heartedly...I most certainly do not want to believe that I am being bad not knowing the details of my own religion...

I believe, God gifted us this life to savor and cherish.....I believe, that he meant us to search our soul and He meant us to be a good human beings..... and if my not praying in the places of worship, or in a certain way accomplishes his great goal, then so be it...I care not for the judgment of the world, for I have pleased the people I most value, Him and me...and THAT is all that matters!!...The peace of mind and of soul and the accomplishment of being a good human being...If that is a trivial accomplishment, then so be it....I am at peace with myself, and hopefully God will understand my simple human logic :).....

Me, an Average Joe....

Was reading some where that it is no good being mediocre. Be the best at whatever you are - Oh! I have heard that and no doubt used that quite a couple of times myself!! Mediocrity, it seems is considered something of a crime in this world....But despite my best efforts and those of millions others, I am sure, like so many others, I have yet to achieve that stage of being the best there is. Now I know, I'm taking this a bit too literally, but can't help feel this way....I can no doubt be the best there is, for a short while, but ALL the time!!...now THAT is way beyond me!!....

I often wonder how people, who have attained that status are able to maintain it...Is it a conscious effort on their part or is it a skill/curse they were born with? - "the need to be nothing but the very best"!!.....I know, being the best gives quite a high and gets to be quite addictive too, but what exactly is wrong in being just another guy or gal!!....I believe the majority on this earth have to live with this so-called affliction, and while we may dream big and make our best efforts, we still can't seem to reach the pinnacle of our own field of work, but does that make us any less important?!...If anything, I would think, if it weren't for people like us, the so called creme-de-la-creme would have nothing much to rejoice about...It is we, the average people, who give them the distinction of being something special...If it weren't for people like us, the people at the top would have nothing to feed their big egos with. Now, I don't say, that all of them have big egos, but I'm sure many, after attaining that level of perfection, can't help but contract it......While we can very well live without the 'Best of the Best' , they on the other hand, can do nothing without us 'average folk'......'We' give them their ideas of supremacy, of being VIP's , feeding their insatiable need to stay at the top...

Also help me understand, why at all would anyone want to have the constant need to be on a lookout for adversaries, to be clinging on to something that is so fleeting!!....Why would they EVEN WANT such an addiction that takes away so much joy from their real lives in terms of relationships, normalcy of life!.... Something that might fill their wallets, but makes them poorer in terms of real friends, true love, joy & fun!!....I think, NO, I know, I enjoy being a mediocre person!! - a bit dissatisfied at times, wishing on occasion to be the center of attention, but overall quite fulfilled living my small but happy life. A life full of the more important things like friends, love and happiness...Yes, I'm sure the big-wigs wouldn't mind exchanging position with an 'Average Joe' like me ANYTIME :)......Today, I will make sure to thank God for making me so average :).....

Flowers :)...

I feel flowers are the most beautiful creation of nature..Something draws us to them. For some the draw is their simple beauty, for others it is the mild and sometime exotic fragrance, for still others it is the vibrant colours and beautiful patterns.....Personally, I love EVERYTHING about them, for they somehow make me smile :)....The very thought of holding them in my hands gives me pleasure, but then I guess everyone feels the same way about them :)...

What I do not get is, why do they have to be plucked, when they are spreading so much joy by being just where they are meant to be??....You might say, it's done, so that others, who are not as fortunate to live near nature might be able to enjoy their beauty...But have you ever thought, that what might bring a few moments of pleasure, might also bring some amount of sadness with them!....The mere thought, that a thing of so much beauty will die so soon, makes me sad(sigh)...I love them, so I want them to last forever. A childish thought, you'll say!!!...'Nothing lasts forever', you might say, and I know that too, but... I still want, what I want!!... But I guess, that is me in my small world of fantasies . And if it were left upto me, I would make them last for an eternity. Am I being childish again? I don't think so, for isn't that the way how we all want things to be!!... Wishing things that cause us happiness and joy, to last FOREVER!!....I want to hold onto all the love which people give me, I want my good memories to last, I want to have a momento to hold onto forever. Why would I ever want a token of love & affection that brings a moments pleasure but sadness thereafter, that lives a short life, withers away and dies?!!.....Childish again, or is it really?....Fake flowers don't bring me as much pleasure....They no doubt are beautiful, but there is nothing natural about them. What I want is the real deal, the kind that lasts...

I have often wondered, why people like to give flowers to their loved ones...All I could think of is that where words fail, flowers take over...They do the talking, and they do that so eloquently too!!....They are simple, yet talk the delicate and intricate language of love...They are so delicate, yet so powerful...So common, yet have the power to surprise just about anyone...So fragrant that they fill the lives of everyone with love......So rich with beauty, yet so humble....I guess, they are God's perfect gift to us - to admire, to contemplate....Simple, fragrant, beautiful, giving yet so humble and full of love..... I wish I was a flower!!

Trust, I shall...

Trusting people comes so naturally to some.....It is so inherent, that we don't even think twice before making the leap of faith, esp. when it comes to trusting total strangers...We so willing put our faith in such people, only to be left hurt and heart broken many a times...Is that then supposed to be a learning experience for us, a warning that there lurks a predator in every dark alley of life, a warning to stay alert always? or is it just a sign of our loneliness, our need to connect and to keep trying till we find the right kind of people?....

A kind face, kind eyes and a sympathetic voice, that says all the right words, at the right time is the beginning of this journey.....A journey that involves sharing, comforting, laughing and crying with each other...If a human brain can so easily decipher these good vibes from a person, then why can't it as easily pick on the bad vibes coming from the same?.....I guess, the head ALWAYS knows, what the heart refuses to believe...Is thinking with the heart, then the reason for all our troubles??.....I guess, God created the heart for a very specific purpose - to love, feel and enjoy all varied experiences in life, but why couldn't the same Creator leave the command center in full control of decision making...If the head can sense danger, then why does the heart have to be so stubborn and not listen to the signs. Why does the heart have to be so naive!!....Life, I guess, is all about the constant struggle between these two....When the heart wins, we call that being HUMAN, and when the head wins we call it being SMART....I guess, I like being human, someone who hurts a lot but who smiles when things go right :)...

Time heals all wounds....

Was talking to a friend, who had lost someone dear and I tried to console her like anyone would. the talk progressed I said things, which made me wonder if they were all really true....Amongst other things I told her she'd forget the pain eventually, and I did mean it!!...I said,"Time will heal all wounds", sounded so corny, but it got me thinking...Does time really heal all wounds?....It might make the pain go away, but doesn't the scar always remain??...and if the scar remains, aren't there chances that someone might just intentionally or unintentionally scratch it and cause it to bleed again??...I guess, there are things that time does heal, but doesn't it all depend on the intensity of the pain and the willingness of an individual to let go?...If one is lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and loved one's then the wound heals quicker...Sharing reduces the pain...but then shouldn't the adage say "Time, friends, love and sharing heal all wounds"...

But what about things that cause you constant pain, the things that stay in your head and will not go away, even when you try so hard not to think of them...Can you really wish hurt away?...Memories are so powerful, they can make us laugh and they can make us cry. We hold them dear and what we hold dear to the heart can easily cause us pain...Does it follow that we stop creating memories, or is the heart capable of picking and choosing the good from the bad?...Why is it that the one's we love the most, that are capable of hurting us the most? Why can't love just stop at love and friends remain friends forever? Why can't beauty be always beautiful?..Does everything good always go bad because it has no other way to go??...I guess, time will tell it all...The mighty clock is ticking and it is trying to soothe the pain away from the millions that are hurting...Not a piddly feat by any measure, and considering the amount that needs to be done.... I guess, I'll let time take its own time...I suddenly realized why I have so many clocks at home, I guess, it was an unconscious but feeble attempt on my part to bring time home, to start the healing process or should I say hasten it...Time for a time out now. I think I will let the brain do its work and let time work its miracle...

Is it growing up or changing into someone else?

I want things to change, change from what they have been for a long time now...I somehow don't feel that what I am now, is the real me. Where is the me that used to be so carefree, who used to laugh and run around doing things that she always wanted??...Need to find that me again....You might say grow up! But is it ok if I don't want to? Is it ok, if I still want to enjoy life and not be burdened by the so called things that are so expected of me?....I am not trying to run away from responsibility, but I hate the routine that comes with it...Once you start doing it, it is like you are stuck forever...Is that how it should be?.....I'm not talking of studies here, I know, the mere thought of getting away from it all might make many students happy. But that is not what I am talking about...This talk is about life that comes after one is married........

My mind is in constant turmoil, wondering if what I want is the right thing....They say we change with time, but do we really? Our appearances change, our expectations and needs may change with time, but do we change who we really are?....Need to rediscover that child in me again...Feel so lost, afraid and so unsure sometimes.....I guess, I am still a child at heart just look old and am expected to think and behave like a grown up....Need to match the outside with the inside....You might say it is all in the mind....But what do I do when my head and heart are in constant conflict....My heart refuses to accept the harsh logic of the head....Head rebukes the heart for not growing up....Who do I follow!!...I sometimes feel I need divine intervention, but then I hear from good friends and I find all I need to do is change the way I do things...Sounds easy, but is it really??